I feel like I blog about self-acceptance way too often, but for me, a healthy sense of self-acceptance - the type that propels you to be a kinder, more giving person - is something I am very much striving to work on.
I recently moved to Jerusalem. I read pirkey avot on the plane. In chaper 1, mishnah 7, Natay Harabeli says, "Do not experience despair concerning a negative judgment/bad things". I read a commentary* that says the meaning of this statement, is that one should not despair on oneself, thinking that one is beyond redemption, that one is worthy of negative judgement. The logic is that such despair becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy: If you think you are beyond redemption, you have no more motivation to act good, thus, you become beyond redemption - even though, perhaps in Judaism there is no beyond redemption, for as we say to God in the "unetaneh tokef prayer, "As Your name is, so is Your glory: Hard to anger and easy to appease. You do not want the dead to die, rather, You want them to repent from their ways and live. Until his dying day You will wait for him, and if he repents, You will immediately receive him.".
Anyway, I was thinking that Natay Harabeli is essentially saying: Don't engage in irrational guilt about your actions, do not feel so guilty that you give up on yourself. This is essentially what cognitive psychology says, and it believes that letting go of i-guilt is essential to leading an emotionally healthy life, as well as to improving oneself, since i-guilt becomes that negative self-fulfilling prophecy: You give up on yourself, so you stop trying, and wind up becoming what you feared.
So how does this mini-dvar Torah tie into my personal life?
Well, first of all, I love how a rabbi living around 200 CE foreshadowed a modern psychological trend. There is a saying***, "Learn Torah and relearn it, for everything is contained within it." I truly believe that, and this is an example of it.**
Second of all, I have been pondering my mini-dvar this morning: I meant to go grocery shopping, but I have been feeling extremely ill since Sunday night (i.e., since before I got on the plane) and travel in general does not agree with me. So I have not yet decided if I will go. I might allow myself some relaxation time and see how I feel, or I might push myself.
Either way though, I have decided to let myself be ok with what I do. I have to go pick up an I.D. card today from the Israeli government, but I do not HAVE to go grocery shopping. I SHOULD go grocery shopping. I've decided for the moment, to let myself take it easy, to give myself more leeway, as I adjust to a new living-place, and all the responsobilities entailed in settling in. In other words: I am deciding not to despair, and following Natay Harabeli's advice.
I am also following an example from one of the blogs I like to read (hey, poets read poetry, bloggers read...blogs), where one of the authors, Ayo, mentions the benefits of cutting oneself "some slack while adjusting to a new life". I really think this is important - and I think the world would be a lot better off if we cut ourselves (and others) some slack.
* I think this is in the artscroll pirkey avot but am unsure.
** This was said by ben Bag-Bag, in pirkey avot. Can we all marvel at the name Bag-Bag?
*** There is also lots of poetry in Tanach, as well as in prayers. For example, the continuation of the unetane tokef prayer reads: "Man, his basis (yesodo) is dust, and his end (sofo) is dust. By his soul (nafsho) he brings his bread (lachmo). He is compared to the broken shard, to the dry yard, to the fading blossom, to the passing shadow, to the light cloud, to the wind, to the dust, to the flying dream. But You are the King, Who Live sand Endures Forever."
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