So first of all, a friend shared this chart with me - a reminder that the "wrong path" might be a necessary step to finding the right one.
Also, a short note on optimal me vs ideal me: The "ideal me" is essentially the perfect version of ourselves - the one who never presses "snooze" when the alarm goes off, who comes home after a long day with a hug and tons of energy, and never snaps at someone she cares about - essentially, the vision of ourselves that we must always strive for, yet remains unattainable.*
The optimal self, however, is the best version of ourselves that we can be, given the imperfections of human nature, and the realities of the universe. Our goal in life is to constantly bring our optimal selves closer to our ideal selves- striving for the unattainable.
I view Judaism as a mission to constantly strive for the unattainable: On the one hand, God is constantly close to us, because He yearns for man, and wants us to be close to Him. On the other, we can never be truly close to God, because He is so infinite. Seeking closeness with the Infinite an act of love, because it is an act of impossibility, one that both is encoded in nature, since the time we were given a tzelem Elokim upon creation, yet that also strains against the limits of nature - much as love is encoded within us (as biological beings, our goal is to mate and reproduce) yet also strains against the limits of nature, by asking us to come to a place of intense feeling, or kindness, that is perhaps unnatural. I find it very hard to verbalize these abstract concepts, and find defining love in general to be difficult, unless one wants to define it through actions - which is essentially how we define our relationship with God.
I view this paradox of striving for that which we can not attain to also be behind Yeshayahu Leibowitz's statement המשיח לעולם יבא
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