Weight

I honestly believe that if we listen to what our bodies want, we maintain a healthy weight. Recently, I've been struggling with that, because what my body wants is food that requires time, money or both - and I've really been trying to save both.

The result? Noshing on un-filling food, being unsatisfied from the noshing, so eating more...basically, massive weight gain, with lots of money spent and little satisfaction.

Today, I ran out of food: There was frozen pita, but no cheese or hummus. So I bought one slice of pizza. Afterwards, I longed for more, but told myself firmly that I was "full enough", and it wasn't worth spending money on a second slice, or on groceries at the makolet, when I will be doing a cheaper  pre-shabbat grocery session this morning. I also told myself that I wanted to save calories by not eating a second slice.

Guess what? Its 3 am, I'm up, too hungry to fall asleep (because apparently, 1 piece of pita + 1 slice of pizza + cookies, is not satisfying if its all you've eaten all day, especially if you've also cut down on coffee, which is the best food substitute), and I fall back on the one thing left in the house: cookies - which don't quench my hunger, since my body is craving nutrients, but do have a very high caloric content.

If I had listened to my body, and not been cheap with myself, spending the extra ten shekels for some chummus into which I could dip defrosted pita, and acknowledging that I might get hungry later, and that its ok to be hungry, I would be eating something healthy right now.

I think this is a metaphor for life (wow. that sounds so corny): Sometimes, listening to ourselves and accepting our needs, even when we don't like them, is the first step to self-improvement - or even to overcoming those very needs that we are accepting.

I also think a lot of this comes back to guilt: Yes, I've spent more than I should this month - but feeling guilty about the amount I've spent in the past, does not necessitate feeling guilty about spending money on food in the present - a perfectly legitimate need. My yetzer harah latched onto the legitimate money-guilt, and expanded it, in order to turn it into a force for my doing things that are unhealthy for me. Rashi says that a good lie has a grain of truth to it, and the same can often be said of unhealthy guilt - it is merely an enlargement stemming from a seed of legitimate guilt, and it can be hard to separate the legitimate from the illegitimate. Usually, the best measure is where guilt will lead you: If it leads you to apologize to someone, or improve on yourself, its probably legitimate. If it leads you to unhealthy behavior, or paralyzes you so you can't act - it's probably illegitimate.

I am going to end by quoting one of my favorite parts of Pirkey Avot (1:7) : "Natay Harabeli says: Do not be a wicked person in your own eyes, and do not give up because of the פורענות" (punishment? It's hard to find a good translation. I am not going to waste time feeling guilty about that.)