Grattitude and Trust

First of all, I have to thank God for this moment: I am sitting here, in Jerusalem, with a laptop and a cup of coffee, in a warm room, with groceries in the kitchen. What a blessing to be in Jerusalem, after 2,000 years of exile, to have a warm room to go to, to have groceries, to know how to cook said groceries. (Gratitude for that also goes to my mother.)

On my walk home, I was thinking about revealing verse withholding, something I struggle with a lot in terms of blogging/writing, and in my daily life.

Now for the non-sequiter: It occured to me as I was putting away my groceries, that trust in oneself and trust in God are related. A large source of not trusting ourselves, is that we doubt the outcome of our actions. If we accept that the outcome is out of our control, but in God's hands, and focus on our actions, self-trust becomes a lot easier: Because I can count on myself to put in my best effort, when I stop focusing on what results those efforts might bring. Perhaps part of trusting yourself, is focusing on the things you actually can trust yourself about - that is, your efforts - and not focusing on what you can't trust yourself about - the outcome.

This reminds me of the approach of Rabbi Abraham Twerski, that Torah can serve as a tool for psychological health, and that in fact, one must be psychologically healthy in order to properly fulfill the mitzvot, especially the interpersonal ones. The laws against gossip, for example, rely upon one's being confident enough to not need to inflate themselves by slandering others.

I don't really have a conclusion, other than to say: I'm sorry if this sounds mussar-y. If it does, its because I am giving mussar to myself, writing down thoughts so I will remember them, and hopefully internalize them.

Have a great day :)