Are certain moments irredeemable? I have often pondered this question. Are there breaks in our relationships with people - that slip of the tongue, that jerking of the hand - that can not be reforged with kisses of silver and hugs' iron anvils?
In the book of Kings, David re-acquires the ark of God and brings it, dancing, to Jerusalem. As Michal, (one of) his wife(s), and King Saul's daughter, sees David dancing joyously with the people, she criticizes him for being undignified, to dance in such a wild and carefree manner. The narrator informs us that after that incident, Michal bore no children for the rest of her day.
This story always scared me: Is it possible that in one moment Michal did something unforgivable? I viewed the narrator's remarks as proof that one moment merited a lifetime of punishment, however, I recently heard a different view, that the reason for Michal's barenness was that things between David and Michal were never the same. The second reason is infinitely more logical to me: The first reason would mean there are moments from which we can not redeem ourselves before God, but I beleive that because God is infinite, His ability to forgive is infinite. The second means that there are moments from which we can not redeem ourselves before humans - which makes sense, because humans are finite and so is their ability to forgive. Yet in Judaism, in order to be forgiven before God one must be forgiven before humans, so maybe that brings us back to square one? To me, it is so beautiful that Judaism beleives God can only forgive you if the person you have wronged has forgiven you: It is placing would-be limits on God in order to empower (wo)man and stress the value of humanity. As David said, "What is human that s/he is remembered before You?? Yet you made humans only slightly less than angels", or, as the Talmudic dictum goes, each person must recognize that one the one hand, the world was created for them, whereas on the other, they are merely dust and ashes.
The need for human forgiveness in order to receive Divine forgiveness makes the capital punishment for murder make sense: Since you can not receive absolution from your victim, you receive a punishment that fits the crime - yet, I do not think the perscribed capital punishment is proof of the murderer's irredeemability: The punishment is not about punishment per se, but about setting a strong deterrent in society, just as the rabbis' imposing strict restrictions on capital punishment*, knew society benefits from a lack of violence and an abundance of mercy.
Then there is the case of Shaul, who with one moment's decision to announce not to kill Agag, king of the Amalekites, and to spare the livestock, loses the kingship - yet then I tell myself, that this was not a moment, but a process: From the initial not-killing-decision, throughout the entire journey home, there was time to change his mind, but he did not, because he wanted to save face with the people and appear kingly and confident. Still, was there a moment in which the switch happened, in which Shaul felt he had gone too far and could not go back (with regards to killing Agag and the sheep), which then became a self-fulfilling prophecy, because we can't do what we think we can't do (and is why its good to eliminate that word from our internal dialogue when we are discussing potential future actions we may or may not undertake).
In neuroscience, we know that every time we engage in a behavior or thought pattern, the nueral pathways used in that pattern are strenghened, making the habit harder - yet still possible - to break. Is there a moment in which our actions become so entrenched in our brains - literally - that the possibility of changing them, while still there, becomes statistically insignificant?
I don't think so - I believe in (wo)man's constant ability to change her/himself. I take my evidence from our Yom Kippur davening, where we read that God does not want evil people to die, but rather, to repent, and waits for them until their deathday - if God, who created people and knows their nature way better than you or I, has that kind of faith in humanity, who am I to contest it?
As for the unredeemability of moments: I am currently reading "Mighty Be Our Powers", by Leymah Gbowee, in which she talks about peace-building she has done in Liberia and throughout Africa. A major part of the peace-building involves reconciliation between the perpetrator and victim, in which the perpetrator acknowledges the wrong done and takes steps toward repairing the damage, and the victim chooses to forgive and try to move forward. If there can be forgiveness between rapists, murderers, theives (ie the perpetrators in the Liberia situation) and the victims, who have suffered so much pain, then a) this is a testament to the ability of humans to forgive, if they choose to forgive - what a beautiful choice b) then surely there is hope for us, in our daily lives, to forgive and be forgiven.
May we all have days in which we do nothing needing forgiveness, and in which no one does such things to us, but if those things occur, may we have the power to forgive, and may others choose to tell us we are forgiven.
*Two witness, interviewed separately, must testify they saw the crime, warned the criminal beforehand, and that the cirminal responded s/he knew it was wrong and was doing it anyway. How many capital punishments given in the US meet those criteria?
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